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10 Years (for the boys)

Desperation can be an epiphany's best friend. One night, as I rolled over in bed a passing car threw its headlights’ dull glare into my bedroom casting my shadow on the wall in amorphous gray and off-white relief. There is no fate only destiny. Destiny is to be ourselves. And that's where the choice comes in.

I decided to quit drinking. Valentine’s Day was approaching and my future ex-wife was seeing someone and I wasn’t. I was procrastinating, clinging to my impotent authority while waiting on the widescreen, cinematic rock-bottom. But why wait? The fall doesn’t kill you, it’s the sudden stop.

It isn’t as simple as yes or no but then again it is. So I went to a meeting. It was a hard sell, to me at least, and one thing that got me into dependency was an obdurate nature, it's still difficult for me to ask for help, so that first meeting was my last, a tack I don't recommend. But opinions are like...noses.

And here we are. Ten years later, to this day, this today, and I haven't had a drink since. There was a time when saying that would seem boastful and self-aggrandizing to me, deeply antithetical to my nature, but that was an index of my lack of self-worth as much as anything. Clarity can do that to you. Ten years later, to this day, this today, there remain ups and downs, but I’m sober and feel every one of them, for better or for worse, which is just fine with me. It’s my destiny.



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